Adapted extracts from a letter to the Natural Death Centre.
Once I had spoken to the Natural Death Centre on the phone and received the information pack I was quite confident about doing it ourselves.
University Hospital and the Birmingham registrar's office had never encountered anyone dealing with all the arrangements themselves. The hospital office thought we might need a police escort and the registrar had to consult with her colleagues for 20 minutes before giving the necessary forms. I found a mixture of total self-confidence, a bundle of printed forms (including all the Natural Death Centre's literature), arrogance and charm seemed to work.
We had a problem with the coffin, as we first ordered the Compakta which arrived with a hole in it and a few giggles from the delivery man who thought someone was playing a practical joke. We were all unhappy about putting Frank in a cardboard box with a hole in it - my son Jonathan said it looked as if we were going to send him by Parcel Force! Anyway, after frantic phone calls we managed to find a contact for coffins and had a really nice pine effect one delivered through the friend of a relation.
My daughter is religious and wanted the local curate to perform the service but he refused as his bishop would have disapproved and he had personal reservations.
We then contacted Vic Jones of the Humanist Group in Birmingham and he conducted a lovely ceremony which we all thought very fitting for Frank's love of nature and personal beliefs.
My son and stepson went to collect the body from the mortuary and as we had ordered our own coffin which was exactly 6' 3" long it fitted diagonally into the back of our Volvo 240 Estate. Although they covered the coffin with a baize cloth, a couple of Jamaicans in a transit van behind them noticed it and fell about laughing while they made the sign of the cross. I don't think they could have imagined there was a body inside.
It seemed so right to have him back home on the Friday evening, not the least bit spooky or weird but comforting.
We had to fix handles on either side of the coffin towards the two ends, as four bearers couldn't get through the doors together. Two bearers, one with his hands behind him, took the coffin out through the living room and front door, then the other two took up their positions in the usual form.
We had 64 people at the funeral - the news spread very quickly about our d-i-y funeral and people we hadn't heard from for 30 years popped out of the woodwork. We really did organise to the nth degree: wood over the grave on which to rest the coffin, someone to pull the wood away, ropes of the right length threaded through the handles, someone to take the flowers off the coffin before it was moved from the room in which we held the service, rows of seats facing the coffin which was placed on a large, strong, marble coffee table. Even with all this I had fears that it would turn into a farce.
But it didn't. Everything went smoothly. It was a lovely funeral, everyone came in afterwards for drinks etc and so many people came up to us and told us how "good, fitting and lovely" it was or "I'm thinking of doing this myself". I had one farmer tell me that he had spent far happier times in his field than he had spent in the local churchyard.
The spot we picked out is ideal. I observed all the Natural Death Centre's recommendations on distances from water courses, land drains etc. It is a very dry place in the corner of the field next to the garden, with access from the road if necessary. It overlooks the fields, hills and woods and we are going to plant an oak tree there for him.
I would recommend anyone who is practical, determined and with a strong sense of humour to do this (being a little odd probably also helps). I have found that doing this funeral myself has been therapeutic and helped with the grieving process. It would only be possible to do it for someone you really loved and it really did seem to be the most natural thing in the world and our final act of love for Frank.
I can't begin to express my gratitude for your personal help and your literature, without which I don't believe that we could have considered this home burial a feasible option in the short time we had available to us.
Ali Hill, Bardley Court, Cleobury Mortimer, Worcestershire DY14 8NE. Editorial note: TThe New Natural Death Handbook (available from The Natural Death Centre for £12-99 incl. p&p; or you can place a secure online order) lists a number of places where coffins can be bought for immediate delivery, whether cardboard or not.
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