Adapted extracts from two letters and a fax to the Institute from Pat Lewis.
My husband's funeral, which took place last week, was arranged and conducted almost entirely by his family and friends. My sister painted his coffin with blue sky and clouds and it was decorated on top with branches of apple blossom from our garden.
We used our own VW Caravelle instead of a hearse; one friend cleaned it and another (Steve Rose) made an ingenious tray with rollers at the end so the coffin could be slid in and out easily.
He also drove the van to the crematorium and I sat back with the coffin. The ceremony was conducted by friends and included No Man is an Island, Philip Larkin's The Trees and words adapted from the Humanist Service for Committal. A jazz quintet played He Who Would True Valour See, Swing Low, Sweet Chariot and The Saints.
Afterwards, everyone gathered for refreshments and many spoke to the assembly and we all celebrated my husband's life. We also had a display of photos for which I made brief notes. I got a lot of satisfaction from doing this and people were interested to learn about aspects of my husband's life and interests that they had known nothing at all about.
It was all a really uplifting and enjoyable experience - I think many people were surprised to find it so positive.
It was a coincidence that Modern Times on BBC2 the following evening was about Alternative Funerals. I thought they made a very poor job of the programme. Anyone wanting to do-it-themselves would not have been much wiser how to go about it. I thought at least they would have given the Natural Death Centre's address on Ceefax or in the Radio Times and I have just written to ask them to do so.
One thing I would have like to have done but couldn't was to have had a cardboard coffin. The undertakers couldn't get one long enough. My husband was 6' 4", and the only one they could get was too short. Are larger ones available? It seems odd not to have several sizes.
As a direct result of our ceremony and my husband's love of trees, friends are going to try to get a woodland burial site in Derbyshire - I look forward to the day.
Incidentally, flowers were already displayed at the crematorium. Had I been forewarned, I would have put them out of view for our ceremony, as we already had apple blossom on the coffin and a candle lit in a bowl of blossom and ferns, and these were not complemented by the flowers on display. Just a minor point, perhaps most people would have been pleased to have had flowers provided.
Pat Lewis, 65 Field Close, Hilton, Derbyshire DE65 5GL. Steve Rose (tel 01332 862956) may be able to advise further on the tray with the rollers described above. Editorial note: Compakta (tel 01455 828642) are making a larger cardboard coffin, mainly for the German market.
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