Adapted extracts from an e-mail to the Natural Death Centre from Cathie English of Aurora, NE, USA.
When my first daughter, Ruth Cave English, was stillborn, the mortician insisted on embalming, a service, blah, blah, blah, and I said "no!" - no pearly coffins, no embalming, nothing "damn it!". They even wanted us to ride in a white limo! I said 'no'.
We had a 20 minute graveside service and a styrofoam 'box' and a $250 stone without angels or lambs, but words words are important to me: "Whither thou goest, I shall go." We moved a lot, so I needed to know she'd be with us, always.
I also educated the nurses at the hospital where she was stillborn. I don't think they quite knew how to deal with a woman like me. You see, they tried to 'shield' me; they tried to tell me what I wanted. "You don't want to see your baby. She's dead." I screamed at them, "I want to hold my baby!" It's a wonder ... holding a dead, simply beautiful infant came so naturally ... yes, her colouring was dark, etc ... but in five minutes I lived a lifetime. If anything, the juxtaposition of birth and death taught me how natural both are! What a gift to have learned that at 24 - I don't fear death or living.
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