My father's family-arranged sea burial

From an account sent to the Natural Death Centre. Michelle Crooks' efforts in arranging this funeral won the main Natural Death Centre Award for 1998.

My father had been ill with cancer for some time so my mother had the opportunity to find out how he wished to be buried. Due to his work as a radio officer in the merchant navy he had always said he wished to be buried at sea and these feelings remained as strong as ever.

As his condition deteriorated we thought we would make some general enquiries. We never started out with the intention of burying him ourselves, it was one of those things that just grew and grew. My brother had rung the admiralty but then due to work commitments seemed unable to make any further progress. I reasoned that there had to be a book in the library providing guidance and found the Natural Death Handbook. It gave me the vital starting point and has proved invaluable.

I had rung three funeral directors in my local area, all three quoted between £7,000 and £10,000. We live about as far from the sea as possible in Leicestershire, but I still felt this was quite excessive and that my father would have had a strong objection to our spending such a lot of money. The cheapest quote we had was from Britannia Shipping Centre at £2,880, but it still left us with the problem of transporting the body from Leicestershire and the additional cost that would incur. I had already proceeded so well with my own arrangements that I thought I might as well continue.

I was given information on what was required which I only knew to be incorrect thanks to the Handbook. For example, I was told I would need a lead-lined oak coffin which itself would cost around £2,000 and was told by another that the boat went from Portsmouth and took six hours to sail to the burial ground.

This was my motivation to organise it myself. It felt an extremely natural thing to do, my last parting love gift to my father. However, I received such a strong reaction from people, who felt I was eccentric, very brave or stupid and extremely unconventional. Quite a few people felt I should leave it to the professionals, or ignore my father's wish, tell him we would bury him at sea but cremate him instead - which I found quite shocking! I felt it was worth my best shot and if I didn't achieve it then at least I had tried.

Although sometimes it was hard, I never regretted trying and found the whole process to be therapeutic and healing, even though grieving started earlier. Having had this experience, I have now asked all my loved ones to consider and write down how they wish to be buried, etc, so hopefully I will always be able to offer this as my last token of love. I would want some 'control' in how to say goodbye to their physical body.

My father had asked to be nursed at home and due to my mother's determination, courage and love, my mother achieved this. We had to fight for it, but once the doctors realised we were determined they were very supportive and the district nurses were also supportive.

We had a fairly tight budget for the funeral so I tended to approach several people, asking them to quote and then proceeding with the more economical, providing I had the confidence they would deliver. I treated the whole process in as businesslike a manner as possible but of course where my best interests lay never changed! I started with two very useful numbers given in the handbook: The Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food (MAFF), Mr Bushell's office in Poole (tel 01202 677539) who were always helpful and prepared to discuss any of the details they had sent me concerning the list of requirements. These had changed from those listed in the Handbook dated 1997; the specification I was working with had only recently been altered at the beginning of 1998. Sean Crain of Hurst Castle ferries at Lymington were also extremely helpful, their number being 01590 642500 (this number had changed from the Handbook) Sean arranged the crane but gave me their number so I could check the price and arrange how to pay them directly (tel 01590 642080).

As we did not require a conventional coffin, I approached a couple of carpenters I knew from the church we attend. Both were very helpful but Eric Wheatcroft was in a league of his own as he was able to combine his building skills, his metalworking skills and his woodworking skills. We discussed the requirements sent by MAFF and then Eric designed a coffin, incorporating into his design features to make the lifting easier from the quayside. He welded metal eyes at the top of the metal strips that surrounded the coffin so the crane could lift the coffin by these, minimising handling at Keyhaven. Eric also allowed me to use his fax machine so I could fax the MAFF with our material specification and design to double-check we were complying with their requirements. After my father had died, I was also able to fax the coroner's office and the MAFF again with all the relevant paperwork to speed up the process. Eric and his family were always sensitive and practical and should the need arise for anyone else he would be prepared to help directly again. His telephone and fax number are 01455 637622.

Again using the Handbook, purchased a biodegradeable bodybag from Green Undertakings (tel 01984 632285) who were excellent and then rang some funeral directors in the locality in case weather was a problem and I were to need a local storage facility. J. Bevis and Son in Southampton (tel 01703 772120) were helpful and were prepared to discuss it with me. The Co-op in Weymouth (tel 01305 772789) wouldn't give too much away but were prepared to listen and be as helpful as possible and questioned me to check I had covered everything. They felt I was brave and wished me luck but thought I might have bitten off more than I could chew! The Co-op in Weymouth recommended the Co-op in New Milton (tel 01425 611133) as they were nearer, they were also very helpful and were prepared to store the coffin free of charge providing there was no labour involved on their part.

The next major hurdle was finding a company that could supply the mild steel strapping, finally I found The Plastic Strapping Co Ltd (tel 0115 929 1212). The main problem was that the tooling would cost several hundred pounds to buy. However, Peter Wilson of the Strapping Company was prepared to travel and fit the strapping to the coffin when it was necessary and overall this was more cost effective. At one point we didn't think we would need him because a friend of ours said he would be able to borrow one from work. The biggest hiccup in my plans was when this friend pulled out at the last minute (Friday morning, my father was due to be buried on the Monday) and we had to call on Peter who stepped into the breach and came out on Saturday for us. We were trying to leave the sealing of the coffin until the last possible moment in case the weather changed and my father would be left waiting in the coffin, with us unable to store him in the mortuary at the right temperature because the coffin was too big. The right temperature was important because a body being buried at sea must not be embalmed.

We had also decided to weight my father independently from the coffin, as recommended by the MAFF, using mild steel chain wrapped around and connected with mild steel eye bolts. The chain we used was sourced from Safeway Lifting (tel 01203 344381), a company the firm my husband works for has contact with. Any chain that has reached its tolerance level for lifting is scrap. It meant it was really heavy duty chain that was degreased before it was given to us, but still met MAFF requirements by being mild steel and therefore biodegradeable. It also meant that it easily exceeded 10 per cent of my fathers' body weight. After initially being amused, various companies like the Plastic Strapping Company and Safeway Lifting were very helpful when they realised we were genuine and they bent over backwards to help us succeed.

I informed the doctor who was regularly attending my father so that he knew that I required a letter stating my father was free from fever and infection. Although concerned at our plans, from the point of view that he felt it would be devastating if we failed, very conscientiously he checked that the information I was giving him was correct. Independently he rang the Coroners office and the MAFF to check the details. The only item that he was able to highlight that I had not realised was which Coroners Office to use. I had rung the Coroners office most local to us in Leicester to check the procedure for obtaining the Coroners Out of England Acknowledgement, not realising that Hinckley was out of their jurisdiction and the Coroners Office I actually needed was in Loughborough. We knew there would be no problem in obtaining permission because my father was being attended regularly and it was clear what he was dying from, therefore a post mortem would not be required.

I then drew up an agenda with all the essential numbers, timing and actions required when my father died, so if necessary I could go into automatic, or my husband could just follow the list if I felt unable. This meant all the relevant information was on one side of A4 and therefore very straightforward.

My father died at 1pm on Saturday February 14th '98. After the doctor had come to certify death, my mother and I washed him, rubbed body lotion in and sprayed him with perfume. We placed an engraved aluminium tag, held on with plastic tags, stating my father's name and our solicitor's name, address and telephone number just in case the worst happened and he was washed ashore. We placed this under one arm and around his neck so that his identification would not slide up or down. We then placed him in his bodybag. These were very loving, private moments and it meant no one else needed to interfere or touch him. It was very emotional but what we felt we wanted to do and that was important for us, it was all part of our 'farewell'. It was also reassuring that although we looked into the face of death there was nothing to be frightened by. My father had suffered so much during the last stages of his illness, although he never complained, so this time with him was very peaceful.

We then rang the funeral director who was going to store the body. At first, because I had found funeral directors reluctant to do a small part in the overall process, we had considered storing my father at home, but neither my mother nor I was sure how we were going to react and if we could keep him cool, so I tried the local hospital mortuary. About an hour after I had rung and the technician had said he needed to talk to the manager in charge of the mortuary, I had a call from a funeral director who said that he understood I was looking for someone to look after a body. Initially I felt angry because I felt the hospital mortuary had betrayed me by ringing a funeral director - one it turned out, that he used to work for - but I agreed to let them quote. The quotation was fair and ironically we did use that funeral director. In the end they were very helpful, were quite happy to do a 'part', were not patronising and actually, out of professional curiosity, came with us to see how a burial at sea happened. They also opened at inconvenient hours, helped with the lifting and never altered the price they had quoted, even though storage was slightly longer than we had anticipated. McCartneys Funeral Services (tel 01455 637138) turned out to be a pleasure to work with.

As my father had died on a Saturday, I could not go to the Registry Office until Monday. I collected the doctor's certification of death and the letter prepared for the MAFF stating my father was free from fever and infection. I then registered my father's death at the registry office. The registrar was fantastic and very intrigued at what we were planning. Although the doctor had given me Form 104, application for the Coroners Out of England acknowledgement, the registrar checked that all the details were correct and I asked for two death certificates. I was informed that by law I had to wait seven days after the notification to the Coroner before I would be allowed to bury my father. It is possible to get special permission from the Coroner to speed this process up, but I felt that gave us time to gather everything else into place. The coffin was being stored by McCartneys, they had collected it from where it had been built by Eric. Bearing in mind there was nearly 250kg of concrete in the bottom we were trying to minimise moving the coffin about.

The only area of uncertainty rested with the weather. I kept in close contact with Sean Crain (Hurst Ferries) and everybody involved was aware they had to stay as flexible as possible. We were allowed 12 passengers and it was no problem to take my children. I feel that death is over-sanitised and isn't something we should shield our children from, so I felt quite strongly that they should come.

My husband measured the length of the coffin and hired a Daihatsu pick-up truck from a local van and truck rental. He also checked that the payload weight could cope with the coffin. Due to the weather, we had tentatively arranged for Monday February 23rd as the date. My husband, the funeral director and I wrapped my father in the mild steel chain around the body bag. We then placed him in the coffin, Peter Wilson of the Plastic Strapping Company then applied the mild steel strapping and we left the coffin in its entirety in the mortuary. On Sunday we collected the pick-up and with quite a few strong friends and family, placed the coffin from the metal holding table onto the pick-up. To try and make this as easy as possible, one of our friends used a board and roller system, so once the end of the coffin was on the back of the pick-up we could slide it on. It just fitted, with millimetres to spare. We used a tarpaulin and holding straps and so now we were ready for the early start on Monday morning.

Roy, the funeral director, opened the gates up at 5.30am on Monday and my husband drove the pick-up, followed by myself, my mother and my children and then my two brothers. Roy travelled independently with our vicar. The rest of the funeral party planned to meet us at Keyhaven. Sean Crain said that he would like it if we could be at the quay at about 10am. We were five minutes late, and had managed to stay in convoy all the way. That was quite an achievement. On the motorway, down the hill we even managed to make 70mph. My father didn't like the idea of crawling along to his funeral!

Eric's design for the coffin worked superbly, the crane was able to lift the coffin directly from the pick-up and onto the boat, therefore minimising handling. We then walked down the jetty to get on the boat. Sean Crain suggested that after travelling out a little he would stop the engines, while our vicar conducted a short service. My father wanted an uncomplicated Christian funeral service. We are active members of our local Church of England and were glad that our vicar was able to conduct the service. It meant a day out of his regular working schedule, instead of the couple of hours that would usually be set aside for a regular funeral service. This of course does not include all the pastoral work involved in caring for the recently bereaved. Our vicar feels that funerals should be very personal so invited me to write a eulogy for my father. I think being out in the 'elements' was very moving, the weather was dull and blowing a gentle wind (force 4-5) and there was still a slight mist.

The essence of the service content was simplicity. It took about an hour to reach the Needles Spoil Burial Ground. Once there, our vicar gave the committal and the coffin was lifted on a board that pivoted about the boats' railings at the stern. It needed about six of the party to lift the board high enough. It remained suspended for what felt like ages and then due to its weight it slid off at an incredible speed. The wreath that we had attempted to secure to the coffin was forced off due to the velocity of entry and remained poignantly floating on the surface of the sea, which on retrospect was more fitting. The only things that we forgot were the four red roses we had intended to throw in afterwards. It was a very desolate feeling seeing the empty board, but we all felt sure that my father had enjoyed the last journey we gave him and I felt that this would sustain me and give me wonderful memories for the future.

My children, aged five and a half and two and a half, really enjoyed going on the boat. My five-year-old has discussed dying and being buried and how does mummy want to be buried! Children take very pragmatically the transition from earth to 'heaven' and how our spirit and soul get a new body that isn't tired or hurting. Having had such a positive involvement in the funeral, hopefully will give them a very natural attitude to death. The whole experience for them has was very positive.

If there was anything that I could change, it would simply be to throw in the wreath after the committal, as there is no way of securing it to ensure it stays with the coffin, the force of the water is far too great. As the boat headed for home, the wreath floating was an extremely evocative sight and a very temporary marker of where my father is buried.

Just under half the party felt seasick - thankfully only one person was sick! My father would have thought that all these landlubbers were very funny. From a selfish point of view, myself and my family all felt fine and really enjoyed the boat trip. Even those who had been 'not at their best' had all felt it had been a unique and wonderful way to say goodbye to a unique and wonderful person and it was just such a great thing to do for someone that you love, this intimate and personal love gift.

Having had this experience and the time to organise it - since I knew my father was dying - it has given me a tremendous advantage now, in that I would have the confidence to arrange almost any request made by my loved ones and I would want to try my best to achieve it for them.

Below is a thorough breakdown of all the expenses, the material specification of the coffin and a simple drawing.

The Handbook has been an invaluable guide to what, sadly, still seems to be, quite a taboo subject. It has enabled me to have beautiful memories that will last a lifetime. Thank you seems almost an understatement.

List of Expenses for our Burial at Sea

Michele Crooks, 11 Thornfield Way, Hinckley, Leics LE10 1BE (tel 01455 614300).

Coffin for sea burial

The coffin was made of 1.75 inch softwood timber with all screws, nails, fixings, etc, made of mild steel - the lid too was fixed on with mild steel screws. Between 40 and 50 holes of 2 inch diameter were drilled all around the coffin. There was 250kg of concrete in the bottom of the coffin. Mild steel bands were wrapped around the outside, with mild steel rings welded onto the bands, to be used by the crane to lift the coffin onto the boat. Mild steel strapping, supplied by the Plastic Strapping Co, was placed longitudinally and horizontally once the lid was on.

The Ministry's requirements for burial at sea

The Minister of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food has a statutory duty to control the making of certain deposits of articles or materials in tidal waters This duty is exercised under powers conferred by the Food and Environment Protection Act 1985 Part 11 (FEPA), which require that a licence be obtained from the Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food ('the licensing authority'), to deposit any articles or substances in the sea.

Burials at Sea require authority from the Ministry under FEPA 1985. The Ministry is aware that a body buried at sea is subject to movement by currents, with the inevitable risk of its being returned to the shore or even being trawled up in fishing gear. Clearly this causes considerable distress to the relatives and friends of the deceased, and in order to avoid that risk, we recommend that a more acceptable procedure is for cremation ashes to be scattered at sea. This procedure can be undertaken without a licence.

Having said that, we do recognise that a sea burial has been traditionally practised for those who have maritime associations. Recognising this tradition, the Ministry does permit the burial of a body at sea in some instances under the authority of a licence. The licence will normally take the form of a letter to an undertaker, organisation or individual and will contain the name of the deceased, the prescribed period for the burial and the location at which the burial is to take place. If, through adverse circumstances, the burial cannot take place on the prescribed date, the licence holder must obtain an amendment to the licence.

The licence can be obtained from the licensing authority through the local offices of the Ministry's Sea Fisheries Inspectorate. (Names and addresses shown below.)

There are currently two burial-at-sea sites, one of which will be specified in the licence. These sites are:

(a) A position adjacent to the Needles Lighthouse near Isle of Wight.

(b) A position some miles south of Newhaven.

Before a licence can be issued the applicant must present to the issuing office the following documents: