A family organised cremation in Wales

Adapted from a fax sent to the Natural Death Centre.

In memory of my mother Marjorie

I was with my mother during her last hours. I found it very interesting to observe the dying process. It appeared to be a good death. I kept thinking about how we were together when she gave birth to me, and now I am taking part to help her transcend.

The nurses asked me to leave at about 2.50pm as they wanted to change her position to avoid bedsores. When I returned ten minutes later they said she had just died and I was sent to the day room. I was not happy about this and returned to the nurses station and explained that I would like to sit with my mother, as I know it takes time for the consciousness to leave the body. They allowed me one hour. They appeared to be in some sort of denial about death.

After leaving the hospital, as I was driving home, I thought what now? I then remembered I had sent to the Natural Death Centre some years ago for their information. However, I called into the local undertakers and of course they were nice, they gave me a quote for a basic funeral, but the voice inside told me to go home and contact the Natural Death Centre. I told the undertaker that I would think about it. He was very surprised. I don't think anyone had ever said such a thing to him before.

The following day, I phone the Natural Death Centre and I was very pleased that I did. I was given the telephone number of Narbarth Crematorium here in West Wales. I contacted the superintendent, the Rev Elwyn John, a wonderful man who has a copy of the Dead Good Funerals book in his office. I made an appointment to see him later the same day. He was very encouraging. He also took me to see behind the scenes at the crematorium to look at the ovens. It really was an education - whereas Swansea crematorium are not helpful at all for d-i-y funerals.

The hospital mortuary agreed to keep my mother's body until the Monday following her death, without charge.

We used the Compakta Eco-Coffin. The man at Compakta told us to stuff old pillow cases with newspaper to put around my mother to keep her in place - apparently there was a programme on TV not long ago with regard to d-i-y funerals - and a man used a Compakta coffin for his aunt who was a very small lady and he filled the space around her with soft toys - however, this makes a lot of pollution during the burning.

My daughter has one of the people-mover type vehicles, so, with the seats taken out, it was ideal to transport my mother. The mortician at the hospital was helpful. He assisted us in arranging Marjorie in the coffin and helped to put the coffin in the transport. He remarked how lovely it was to see a family involved in their loved one's funeral preparation.

Rev Elwyn John met us after a 45 mile journey to his crematorium. He and his assistant wheeled the coffin from the transport into the chapel of rest to await the funeral the following day, Tuesday, March 3rd '98.

We had the last slot of the day, just in case anything did not go according to plan. However, all was well and we had a humanist ceremony and celebration of my mother's life.

We draped a gold brocade cloth over the coffin and had a large photograph of my mother on top, with her favourite iris flowers.

We are a very small family but we found doing my mother's funeral ourselves very, very rewarding. It helped so much with the process of grief.

We did not have any opposition to our plans, but we did meet with surprise. When I registered my mother's death, I was handed a green form to give the undertaker. I then said that I was doing the funeral myself and the registrar looked aghast and said "What are you going to do with your mother's body?" So we explained - and she was lost for words.