The dead good funeral

The Dead Good Funerals Book by Sue Gill and John Fox (published by Engineers of the Imagination, Welfare State International, The Ellers, Ulverstone, Cumbria LA12 OAA, tel 01229 581127, ISBN 0 9527159 0 2, 192 pages). Nicholas Albery writes:

Reading this book is like having a theatre director of great flair and genius at my shoulder, giving me tips about how to ginger up my own more conventional and timid ideas. It also contains a section of step-by-step information on what to do after a death, written up in a very wise and sensitive way by Ken West, manager of the Carlisle woodland burial ground and the pioneer of green burial in the UK - he has a great appreciation for the diversity of people's needs.

There are two small errors in the book worth noting:

On page 11, the book says: "Graves must be dug to the required depth." In fact there is no law specifying the minimum depth of graves, although there may be a locally-relevant act or bye-law.

On page 49, the book says: "No planning approval is necessary [for a single burial, perhaps two burials, on private land]." Recent Certificate of Lawfulness council decisions go further than this and suggest that planning permission would not normally be required for a reasonable number of burials for family, friends and those living in the house.

To provide a taste of the book's breadth of vision, here are three adapted extracts, all on the theme of improving funerals.

A dozen ways to improve funeral arrangements at very short notice

- Think about where the funeral should be. It does not have to be in church (unless you want a C of E service). It could be for a small gathering at home, at a community centre, in the cricket pavilion, outside in a garden or woodland ...
- Think about whether you need a minister of religion or celebrant, or whether you have somebody who could lead the funeral ceremony. Make no mistake. This is a sensitive and difficult function. It must be someone experienced enough to maintain their composure throughout the proceedings.
- Pick up the telephone and speak to the manager of the crematorium or cemetery or a representative from any church or chapel you may be using. Tell them when you are coming for the funeral. Tell them if you have any particular requests.
- Decide if you would like extra time for the service for any reason and negotiate a suitable time of day. Ask about any extra charges.
- Find time to visit the place in advance and talk through with a member of staff what will happen when and where. Make sure you ask what the normal proceedings are (curtains close automatically? coffin glides away? coffin remains?) and be sure you are comfortable with this. Find out the limits of what is possible.
- Look at the artefacts displayed in the space (crucifix etc). If you do not want them, ask for them to be removed or covered up. Ask them to show you what lights are usually on.

'Candles, a special cloth or banner to drape the coffin, a lantern, decorations, a photograph in a frame'

- Consider what you might bring in from home and talk to the manager about this. Candles, a special cloth or banner to drape the coffin, a lantern, decorations, a photograph in a frame, any characteristic personal object belonging to the person who has died. Who will bring it? When?

'In a modern crematorium the seats are not always fixed. Maybe a semicircle, or a circle would be good for a moderate size congregation'

- How is the seating arranged? In a modern crematorium the seats are not always fixed, therefore there is no need for straight rows with everyone looking at each others' backs. Maybe a semicircle, or a circle would be good for a moderate size of congregation. If you request this, help the staff by agreeing to be the last funeral of the day, or the first.
- Do you want any music? The sound of the organ is inextricably linked for most of us with church services. Only book the resident organist if that is what you want. In some crematoria their services come free, and the use of the cassette player or CD player is charged for. In others, it is the other way round. You may prefer your own choice of prerecorded music. Check what playback facilities exist. For the entry/arrival it is usual to have 6-8 minutes of music, for the committal only a few bars are needed; exit music usually lasts about five minutes. Label each tape or CD clearly showing what is to be played when. Tapes should be set so your piece of music starts immediately it is switched on. Getting the music right is important. It is a good idea to make this the job of one person who will get there early. If you want no recorded music, you must say so, otherwise it could be switched on automatically as you arrive. If you want live music, find a musician (through music teachers in the yellow pages, music shops selling instruments, concert halls, music schools, amateur dramatic societies, or the Musicians' Union in London, tel 020 7 582 5566).
- Think about individual contributions to the funeral service, such as one or two people getting up to give an address, read a poem or tell a favourite story. Remember the film 'Four Weddings and a Funeral; and the powerful W H Auden poem 'Stop all the clocks'? Make definite arrangements that are clearly understood. Give a brief written running order to anyone involved. Avoid using microphones if you possibly can. If you must, then arrange a practice.
- If you would like to invite everyone to do something at the funeral, ie gather at the gate to walk together to the grave-side instead of driving, or throw a single flower into the grave, make sure you mention this clearly in the newspaper announcement. You will not have time to telephone everyone. It is possible for a few people to get practically involved after a burial by filling in the grave themselves, but only if you have requested this in advance, so they can supply enough shovels.

Discuss these plans with the cemetery or crematorium manager and your funeral director. The best and simplest thing you can do, in our opinion, is to take the flowers out of the cellophane wrapping for a start.

'Encourage everyone to bring along their photographs or souvenir albums to display'

- Consider some ideas for the gathering afterwards. You may encourage everyone to bring along their photographs or souvenir albums to display on a table for people to browse through together. This helps to break the ice and talk through memories of the person who has died, or build bridges between relatives whose lives have drifted apart. And don't be afraid to get out your camera or camcorder to record this get-together. This last scene of the family album is usually the one that is missing.

Suggested Structure for a Ceremony

Here is a suggested structure to follow for those wishing to organise a funeral ceremony that is both dignified and formal, yet simple:

- Arrival and Welcome: OOpening words, including the name of the person whose life we are honouring. Mention and include the family or partners and their loss. The person (or preferably two) leading the ceremony may introduce themselves; outline their role; give an idea of the length of the ceremony; invite people to sit down and encourage people to move forward if it is a sparse gathering in a large venue; indicate anything particular that will happen during or after the ceremony.
- Frame the Event: SSome action or gesture to mark the start of the ceremony, eg someone lights a candle or lantern near the coffin.
- Set the Mood: LListen to a piece of music; readings of verse and poetry with thoughts on the meaning and value of a life and the inevitability of death, chosen for their suitability to the person concerned (an old person dying at the end of a long and fulfilling life; a young adult killed in an accident; a child ...). The family may have suggested a favourite poem to be read. Everyone sings a secular song or a hymn together.
- Tributes:

To the life of ..................... given by friends, relatives, colleagues. Readings, stories, poems, or something a family member has written, to be read on their behalf. This can be an opportunity to quote from letters of condolence that have already come in.

- Commital: IInvite people to stand; indicate it is time for the final part of the ceremony when we commit the body of .......................... to its natural end. Offer a short silence for people's own thoughts or prayers. If it is a crematorium, this is where curtains close or the coffin glides out of sight. At the grave-side this is the lowering of the coffin into the ground. A handful of earth, or flowers may be thrown into the grave.
- Closing Words: FFocusing people back onto their own lives, moving forward, carrying this sorrow and loss. Thanks on behalf of the family to those attending and for recent support given, where appropriate. Final piece of music to listen to, or to sing together.
- Depart for Social Gathering.

Hanging the crem with banners and papercuts

John Fox describes the imaginary funeral of his imaginary twin brother, to give an example of how a creative funeral might be. (It started out as a proposal for his own funeral "but as I wrote it I realised I was being far too prescriptive. The dead can't control the living.")

Wrapped in his favourite blanket we placed his body in a deep blue shiny cardboard coffin painted inside and out. On the lid his daughter painted simple seed and tree designs in white lines. The coffin rested on trestles in the front room of his house for a day or two; we preferred not to have an open coffin.

'No incense', he had requested. So we lit a few candles smelling of honey.

'The night before his coffin was driven round Ulverston on a flat bed truck. We visited his works and a couple of pubs'

The night before the committal his coffin was driven round Ulverston on a flat bed truck. We visited his works and a couple of pubs accompanied by a wild percussion band, with salsa brass and firecrackers; then returned to the house.

We knew he preferred cremation so we negotiated with the crematorium manager for a double slot at the beginning of the day to gain time to decorate the space and take it all down afterwards. We hung the crem' with simple big banners in blue and red suspended from theatrical lighting stands and put marigolds and sunflowers in earthenware vases. We framed it all with strings of small white papercuts cut with fire and bird imagery and made it more cosy with pools of warm lighting. Incidentally, we did have to remove temporarily a crucifix and cover up a statue depicting a sentimental Jesus story about the sheep that escaped.

'The white seed decorations, painted on the top of the coffin resembled galaxies'

Rather unconventionally, we arranged the seats in a circle and placed the coffin on trestles in the middle. On the floor was a bright red Persian carpet (which we borrowed from a shop in town). It looked fantastic. The white seed decorations, painted on the top of the coffin resembled galaxies and the surrounding banners gave the feeling of a womb-like tent.

The service was a bit longer than usual because many people wanted to read poems and tell stories. We gave out photocopied sheets of some of his poems and later made a few handmade books as presents for those who had helped.

The music was great. His son, a musical director, arranged a few tunes for cellos, trombone and trumpet with a small acapella choir who helped us sing along. "What is the Life of a Man" was hung up on a song sheet! Bryan always said he wanted a song sheet at his funeral because no one ever knows the words of the hymns, but really because he was theatrical and loved pantomimes. Painting the words and hanging the banner took so long we nearly had to abandon the idea but it was worth it ...

This webpage forms part of the Global Ideas Bank (www.globalideasbank.org).

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