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The relief of surrendering one's independence
The relief of surrendering one's independence
Zofia Messing
From a letter to the Natural Death Centre.
I have been a carer many times in my life: for a few days, weeks, for several years. These are the conclusions I have gathered on my way, both as a carer in various countries, and now, aged 74, as a dependant.
'The support one receives in various forms from one's co-religionists should not be under-emphasised'
The support one receives in various forms from one's co-religionists should not be under-emphasised. Our society may be increasingly secularised, but there is a surprising percentage of those who believe in God, whichever religion or denomination they worship within - or who would like to worship if encouraged, if given a chance.
Ceasing to eat and drink before dying seems to be a natural progression for people in some societies. When it becomes noticeable, the family become aware that death is imminent. I have seen it happen many times but never as a result of a conscious decision. Just a gentle slide, an ebb - very natural.
'There are many psychological reasons for the fight to retain one's independence. But the relief when the surrender is made!'
There are many psychological reasons for the fight to retain one's independence: pride, lack of trust, etc. But the relief when the surrender is made! I looked after my father-in-law for two years. He did not want to come to live with us (partly because we lived in the tropics which he had never experienced) and he fought most suggestions tooth and nail. He was badly constipated and slept only with pills. After a few months, he came to trust my good intentions and relaxed. His wellbeing improved and we became friends. He died in his sleep at 84 with a smile on his face. He left, unused, a store of various tranquillisers.
Now I am a dependant, at 74 (well, maybe a partial dependant!). I feel so carefree - I do not own a house or a car or much else. My money, whatever that is, is in the care of two of our sons. I live with one of them, now for six and a half years. I am not an invalid and nobody knows what problems the future may bring - but now I am happy and, surprisingly, quite useful.
Mrs Zofia Messing, Keith Lodge, Oldfield Road, Maidenhead, Berks SL6 1TX (tel/fax 01628 789 567).
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