Helping children to manage loss is about much more than death and dying - this helpful manual discusses strategies for assisting children facing all kinds of loss, from illness and disability to abuse and divorce. But part of its message is that we should encourage children to express their grief and response to death and that children can often sense when adults do not want to share their feelings and mask them in order to please. The book, for instance, provides the following very useful tips for school staff dealing with a grieving child.
2. Caring climate: Create a caring climate at school so that children can share their grief with classmates and so learn to accept that it is natural to show emotions - boys as well as girls. Watch out for any insensitive badgering of the child affected by loss.
3. Provide a 'Quiet Room': It is very useful to have a 'Quiet Room', a bolt hole which can be used by children when they wish to be alone or have time out. Grieving children may suddenly feel a wave of sadness wash over them and they need a safe place where they can escape the glare of their peers.
4. Celebrate the life: Where a pupil has died the school can organise an assembly or some event which celebrates the life of the child as well as mourning his death. (This applies to staff as well.) Do acknowledge the death and talk to parents about what they would like the school to do.
5. Visit parents in their home where this is possible: Parents respond positively to teachers who take the time to visit and offer condolences. They may also need information about agencies that can help in the event of a child's death, for instance with funeral expenses. Parents may have other children at your school and may want to talk about their concerns for that child following the bereavement.
6. Counsellors need counselling: Find out where you can turn to for support. Bereavement causes much emotional turmoil and if you are working with children who have been affected by it then you will probably feel emotionally drained. Form a support network so that you can talk with others, this should help you and increase your effectiveness in dealing with your pupils and their families.
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