The vicar's funeral homily perhaps had its roots in a time when most parishes had their own vicar and most of the parish knew him.
Vicars now move parishes on average once every seven years. It is impossible to get to know everyone in your parish.
Understandably, it is also rare to find someone from a bereaved family who feels confident in describing the life of the person they have lost.
Perhaps a way forward is for the family to sit down together and write something that they feel they would most like to say about the person who has died. It doesn't have to be dreadfully formal, I have read out some poems written by grandchildren about their grandparents which have been incredibly funny and moving. As an exercise several people have also told me that this has helped them to come to terms with the fact that "they are really gone", and to become involved in the intimacy of the funeral service.
Their accounts always ring true. To recount the journey of someone's life, to do them justice, you really have to have travelled with them.
The Reverend Peter Owen-Jones, The Vicarage, Broad Lane, Haslingfield, Cambridge CB3 7JF.
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