Patrick Upton, a long-term member of a community in Scotland, writes about the (as yet still empty) burial ground the community members have created for themselves.
Laurieston Hall community is getting older and its members are ageing with it. The average adult age in 1973 was about 27. By 1994 that was up to over 40 with two members now officially retired. Mortality, which didn't get a look-in in the early years, is making its presence felt. More creaking and groaning, more being careful what we indulge in and how often. Some people have taken to jogging. Tobacco smoking has become very much a minority activity - a vast change from the early years of the community when each weekly meeting involved baccy, papers and matches being tossed round the room, a blue fug settling at eye level.
So we all want to stay alive, to be well, to thrive and be active into our old age. And yet, we're going to die. Big problem. So with this awareness, a proposal was put to the group a few years back that we acknowledge this fact. What had begun to worry some folk was that they would die and be carted off to the local kirk for burial on a religious site that at best meant nothing to them, or at worst, was anathema.
The option of being cremated would mean a 50 mile drive to Carlisle - a distant city in another country! Surely we could come up with something better? Two main proposals were put forward. One, that we find a place on our land for our own burial site, and two, that we each answer a series of questions about what we would like to see happen on the event of our death and place a copy in a sealed envelope in the office.
Needless to say, the discussions leading up to these proposals were not at all gloomy, rather the reverse as we pitched over into hilarity. How else could we approach the theory of our own demise, especially when sandwiched between discussions about dog shit on the front lawn and the need to buy a new chainsaw?
Having decided to have a burial ground was one thing, agreeing where it would be was another. Members were asked to go off and look round our 120 acres or so to find a site that appealed to them and was practicable, ie it wasn't being used already for anything else, was a bit away from the main centre, but had reasonably easy access. Above all, it needed to have a feeling about it that somehow picked it out as special. A few alternatives were suggested. Members then asked to go and see for themselves over a fortnight before coming back to a meeting to decide on a site. Such decisions can be a long process where consensus is used, but in the event one site was the clear favourite and soon became the unanimous choice: about a quarter of a mile from the main house, just off from a fenced field, bordered by some oak trees with other deciduous trees nearby, but not overhanging, so that the sun shone in, and a broad sweep of marshy land to look out over with not a drop of human activity in site, just lots of wildlife and wind. Lovely!
So we'd agreed this, but would the local planning department? In the UK you don't need approval or planning permission for being buried in your own private land, but we were going for a multiple occupancy site, which was a bit different. The planning department was helpful, wanting to know if we were going to do it for a business , or just for ourselves? They visited the site to check on its suitability. This meant seeing that there was no nearby watercourse which could get polluted, checking on the previously designated use of the proposed site, making sure there was enough soil to bury people in, and assessing the site for its impact on any neighbours' property, to see if they would need direct consultation.
Our site had no problems with these criteria, except for the change in land use that would come about, from agricultural to, well, to a graveyard. They did ask us, however, to submit our proposal for planning permission, which meant some form filling, money paying and a bit of a wait. Eventually approval came through, but with some conditions: that we build a metre-high stone wall round the site; that we mark the graveyard on our deeds and that we don't use it as part of a business.
We had five years to build the wall in before permission would lapse. At the time that sounded like ages, but time hurries along and it was awhile before we got started on the job. By doing the odd half day through one winter, and then by incorporating the work into our thrice yearly Maintenance Weeks where visitors come to help us, the wall was built, finished in the spring of 1996.
And a beautiful co-operative dyke it is too, about 15 metres by 10 with nicely rounded corners and a slot awaiting a gate wide enough to carry someone in with ease. And that's as far as we've got with that. We've planted some more pretty trees nearby, but done little as yet to clear the bracken which grows up each year. We've not talked about whether we want to cultivate the site more, or what limits we might put on people's wishes as to how they are remembered. Would we let someone plant a tree on their grave which might grow to dominate the site?
This leads nicely into the second section of our approach to dying - the completion of a burial plan. As a community we have no particular overall religious or political philosophy. Indeed, most people are irreligious, some to the extent of not caring what happens to them when they die, because they'll be dead! So not everybody has lodged a plan in the office. And of those that did, we don't know what they say, as they are private documents, to be opened in the event of ... We don't even know how many people want to be buried here. Some people want to be cremated. Some want to be buried up at the kirk. Some don't want to make the choice of facing up to death in this way.
The questionnaire we asked people to fill in asked a mixture of things: do you want to be buried here? If so, in what way - in a coffin? In a shroud? Do you want to lie in any particular direction? Would you like to be curled up? What sort of funeral do you want? Do you want any particular music, activities, etc? How would you like your grave marked, if at all? Who would you like to be informed of your death? Who would you like to be invited to your wake? What would you like to happen to your belongings, over and above anything you might have stipulated in a will? And whilst some of us have shared some of what we've written, most of us don't really know what's there in those envelopes. In fact, it's been a while since we wrote them and writing this article makes me think that I should bring up the question of renewal or reconsideration of our wishes. Of course, anybody can change their requests at any time, but, like a lot of things in community, it tends to get overlooked unless there is an issue to focus on, such as the first death here, which hasn't happened yet and will be a huge shock. We are as yet untested in our theories.
We have people here who say they are willing and able to lay someone out. We have made enquiries as to who we have to inform on someone's death - a doctor has to certify. As to how we conduct funerals, it seems to be as vague as "doing it in a manner which will not surpass the normal bounds of public decency". The scope is large - the feelings and emotions will be enormous.
The reaction outside the community to our going about this business has been very favourable. We are admired for facing up to our own demise. Maybe it's easier to do in a group. In some ways it can become a project like, say, fixing the gutters, and, in some ways, we've approached it like that, with meeting slots, committees, costings, etc, etc. Questions have come up as to whether ex-members, members' relatives and even just friends could be buried here. On this we have no clear policy. (As a community we're better at 'guidelines' than 'rules' and in this instance we'll probably take each case as it comes, though being aware that it's easy to set precedents without realising it.)
What of the future? In a way, that's a funny thing to ask, because it feels like we haven't even started yet. We have the foundations, the possible procedures, the site, but we're not using it, and hooray for that! Once someone is there, we will feel massively different about the place. We may well want to set up care and maintenance of the site. It will become a graveyard instead of being a piece of land with a wall round it. Whoever walks that way will feel differently. No one will be able to walk by without thinking, even if for a brief moment, of who lies there. Up till now the biggest changes we've made to our surroundings have been by felling or planting trees. This change will be much less obvious, but intensely personal in its effect. So there clearly is a sister article to follow this one at some future date: what funerals have we had and how do we deal with death? I hope I don't have to write it for many a year.
Patrick Upton, Laurieston Hall community, Laurieston, Castle Douglas, Kirkcudbrightshire, Scotland (e-mail: patrick@lauriestonhall.demon.co.uk).
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